Prayer
by ohmyairpower
Summary: A tough case leaves JJ wrestling with her feelings towards religion. Her anxiety turns into sex with Emily in a church. JJ/Emily. Rated M, begins with angst and ends with smut.


Title: Prayer

Pairing: JJ/Emily

Rating: M

Author's Note: Written for Meagan. Third CM fic.

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The wintry night air sent shivers down Emily Prentiss's spine the second they had left the restaurant. She glanced over at her blonde companion, but JJ's face revealed no hint that she even registered the change in temperature.

"Are you cold?" Emily asked as the pair made their way down the quiet sidewalk. JJ shook her head, not saying a word, but flashed a quick smile at the older agent in appreciation of the concern.

This had become almost a ritual for them after unusually difficult or emotionally draining cases. No matter how late it was, JJ and Emily would grab a bite to eat somewhere, and then they would take a walk. They never had a destination in mind, and they didn't even talk much about anything. Emily was always concerned for the blonde – JJ hadn't mastered the art of compartmentalization as well as she had, and cases tended to upset her more – but she didn't push JJ to talk. Emily recognized JJ's need for space and was happy to just walk by her side as they both processed what they needed to process.

That was all it was for months. Dinner and a walk. Until the BAU made an arrest on a repeat-offender bomber, headed home to sleep, and found out the UnSub had set up one last bombing site before he was caught. Fourteen dead kids died in the explosion. Fourteen sets of parents they had to notify. And a swarm of reporters at the media liaison's throat, all hellbent on knowing how the FBI's elite behavioral team had let a man they had in custody kill fourteen innocent children.

JJ had handled the crisis with incredible stoicism, being the face to blame for a tragedy that was equally everyone's fault, but when she and Prentiss left for their night walk, the blonde fell apart.

"Fuck me, Em," a tear stricken JJ had begged the older agent as they approached the dark motel room. She kissed her desperately, and Emily could taste the salt of her tears on the blonde's lips.

"JJ...sweetheart, I don't know if that's such a good idea..."

"Can you honestly tell me you've never thought about this?" JJ challenged, her despair and guilt darkening her voice.

"I...yes. Yes, I have," Emily answered truthfully, gulping back her own tears and anxieties.

"Then please. Please take me. Just for tonight."

Emily had woken up happy to have the blonde's naked, warm body pressed up against hers – she had silently loved the younger agent for longer than she was ready to admit – but a new wave of anxiety hit when she realized how many FBI rules the two had violated by acting on their feelings.

Over the next few months, it happened several more times. JJ and Emily never really talked about the shift in their relationship. The blonde occasionally talked about her confusion over her sexual orientation with Emily, mainly of how hard it was growing up in East Allegheny to religious parents who taught her that having feelings for women was the devil's work. But she only talked about her own attraction to Emily once.

"If I ever told you how you make me feel, Em," JJ had told her, "then every mission we ever go on together will be compromised. Friends with benefits is the most we can ever be."

Emily's heart sunk, but she knew JJ was right. As badly as she wanted a relationship with the blonde, it couldn't happen. So she settled for this arrangement. Coworkers by day, fuck-buddies by night. The nights when they really needed the intimacy, anyway.

Breathing in the Louisiana air, Emily glanced over at the quiet blonde beside her. Prentiss had an idea of what was eating away at JJ this particular night. After two full days of running around a small hick town in Louisiana, the team caught their killer: John Parker, a 48-year-old repressed gay man targeting young gay-identifying youth. "I'm helping them," he had cried out when Morgan shoved him against the wall and cuffed him. "I'm giving them an out. I'm saving them from a life of pain." JJ took care of the media, maintaining her image of control and professionalism in front of the press, but when she stepped away from the crowd, the blonde's shaking hands didn't go unnoticed by Emily. She reached out to touch her friend's arm, but JJ ignored her, heading straight to the Shreveport Police Department building. By the time the team had finished up with paperwork, they decided to stay the night at a motel and fly out in the morning.

Emily opened her mouth a few times to say something, but closed it again. JJ needed space to think. Instead, she reached out and slipped her hand into the younger agent's. The blonde stiffened, but relaxed a second later, and Emily felt slender fingers tighten around hers.

The two of them walked like that, silent but hand-in-hand, for at least fifteen minutes. Emily thought about the day – the man, the victims, the town, her own feelings – until suddenly, JJ stopped.

She glanced at the blonde, who was surveying the building beside her – a beautiful church. Medium-sized, from what she could tell. Well lit. Active, despite it being nighttime. Gorgeous stained glass windows. She turned her attention back to JJ, who looked pensive.

"Y'know, I spent a lot of time in these while growing up," JJ said, breaking the silence. Emily was surprised, but happy that she wanted to talk.

"Yeah?" Emily prompted.

JJ nodded, still studying the outside of the church with a subdued thoughtfulness. "East Allegheny wasn't the South, but it was small town. Conservative. 'Hick.'"

"That must have been hard to grow up in."

"It was. I mean, there were parts I loved about it. I haven't found a sense of family stronger in any community than what I saw growing up. Family's everything, you know?" Emily raised an eyebrow with a bitter smile, reminding JJ of her own family situation, and JJ nodded in understanding. "Well, maybe you don't know. But you can guess. There's a lot of warmth in a small town."

"But?" Emily asked when JJ trailed off.

The blonde sighed. "But, it's stifling. I was lucky that I was good at soccer and could get out, but other kids... Religion can be beautiful, Em. It can be. I've seen proof that it can save people. But others, others have to deal with what bigoted people try to turn religion into. Kids grow up attracted to people they're told they shouldn't be attracted to, and they think they were born evil before they can even understand what evil is."

"Sweetheart..." Emily whispered, moving to pull JJ into her arms, but JJ took a step back.

"No, it's okay, I'm okay, it's just..." JJ shook her head, overwhelmed. "Parker wasn't completely off his mark, you know?"

Emily stayed silent, her lips pursed in a tight, thin line, but she listened attentively.

JJ swallowed and took a breath before speaking again. "Em, I've never told anyone this before. But I think Ros was gay."

Emily's eyes widened. "Ros? Your sister?"

JJ nodded and redirected her eyes to the night sky. "I never knew for sure. And I didn't put it together until years later. I was only eleven when she killed herself. All I knew was that girls liked boys, that's what my family taught me, that's what my church taught me. So when I saw her kissing her best friend who was always over, and she told me they were practicing for future boyfriends, I believed her. And I never wondered why one day, my parents started yelling at Ros all the time, and Carly stopped spending the night at our house." She let out a long breath and visibly relaxed, relieved to have that particular secret off her chest.

Emily just blinked, speechless. After a few moments, she gained her composure and pulled JJ into a hug. "Jesus, Jayj," she whispered against the blonde's hair, and JJ sunk further into her arms. "I'm so sorry."

With one last squeeze, JJ pulled back a little bit and looked up at Emily, offering her a small smile. "I wish Ros and I could have talked about it. It would have made it easier for me to understand and accept that I was attracted to women. And I really believe Ros would still be alive if she knew I felt how she did, if she knew we could have talked about it. But I've made my peace with losing her. Seeing all these kids, though... seeing Parker, and the extremes he's gone to... it scares me what this world can do to people."

Emily reached up to hold JJ's face tenderly in her hands, stroking her cheeks with each thumb. "I know, JJ. And there will never be justice for everyone. But please remember that you're part of the force that gives justice back to some. That means something."

JJ leaned closer to Emily and kissed her softly on the lips. She never did this – for them, physical intimacy was reserved for rough, stress relief sex in dark motel rooms – but JJ allowed herself to indulge, just this once.

"Promise me something, Emily," JJ whispered, their foreheads touching and her breath hot against the older agent's lips.

"Anything," Emily whispered back tenderly.

"Promise me that when we're out of the BAU, out of the FBI, out of government contracts... that when it isn't violating every rule in the handbook for us to do this, however many years or decades away that is, promise me you'll let me take you to dinner."

Emily grinned, laying a soft kiss on JJ's nose. "I'd love to, JJ. However far away that is."

JJ smiled, nuzzling back into the older agent. "Good. Because Em, my greatest fear after today is that I'll die hiding my feelings." She lifted her head again to look into the brunette's eyes. "This arrangement of ours isn't going to be it for us. You really do mean the world to me, Em."

"It's relieving to hear you say that," Emily confessed. "I don't like the situation either, but hey, if I can still have part of you in the meantime, I won't complain."

JJ kissed Emily again briefly, before stepping backwards and pulling the brunette towards the church. "Yeah? How about in here?"

"Funny, Jayj," Emily laughed with an eyeroll.

"Wasn't making a joke," JJ countered.

Emily looked at the blonde and narrowed her eyes. "You, and me, in a church...?"

"Yes, Emily."

Right then, the church doors opened and a man walked out. For a split second, Emily peered inside the church and saw several people sitting in the pews, despite the time.

"Jayj, there are people in there."

"Yeah, in the main part," JJ said, and then smirked, her mood a little lighter than before. "But I'm sure the prayer room is empty..."

"That sounds like a dozen different layers of sacrilege."

"Fun, right?"

"JJ!"

"Okay, Em." JJ took another step back, and then raised an eyebrow. "I'm stressed. I need a release. And I intend to get it, whether you're there or not. So."

"JJ, you know I'll never turn you down," Emily responded, raising her own eyebrow. "But the motel isn't all that far away. Half hour walk, tops."

"Yeah, that's half an hour I don't feel like waiting. You're welcome to join me, or you can go back and get some sleep. Completely up to you." With that, JJ spun on her hall and scampered into the church.

Emily stood on the church steps for a few moments, weighing her options, before growling to herself and taking off after the blonde. Once inside, she saw JJ dart into a small room in the corner, and Emily chased after her. She respectfully avoided eye contact with the other people in the building.

The second Emily set foot in the prayer room, she found herself being whipped around and dropped down on the small couch. JJ was hovering on top of her in an instant, kissing her neck and hastily unbuttoning Emily's pants.

"JJ, wait, are you sure you want to do this?" Emily asked desperately, her eyebrows knit together in concern.

"I want you, Em. I need to feel you." JJ slid her hands under Emily's pants and underwear, dragging her fingers through already-wet folds.

"In a prayer room, though? Is this... is this wrong?"

JJ laughed bitterly, looking around the room. "What's wrong is that anyone feels unwelcome here. That anyone feels unsafe. Unloved. Unworthy. That's what's wrong, Emily. But you and me, right here in this church?" JJ dropped her head to leave a hot, open-mouthed kiss against Emily's jugular, biting down. "God can watch me fuck you, for all I care."

JJ entered her in one smooth movement, leaving Emily breathless and arching against JJ's slender body. "Oh, dear God..."

"Not God, Em," JJ moaned against Emily's mouth, her fingers rocking back and forth inside of her. "Me. It's me."

Emily cried out against JJ's neck, trying to muffle her sounds, as JJ thrusted into her roughly again and again. She was so close to the edge already; this kind of emotional stress always brought her here, badly in need of release. Anything to release the anxieties and tensions that had built up.

"Do you have any idea of how fucking hot you are," JJ panted as she deepened her thrusts. Emily bit down on her shoulder, reveling in the sight of JJ's tight arm muscles flexing and loosening with each moment. God, how she wished she could pull off JJ's shirt and see all of her, but she was too far gone to have that kind of control over her motor skills.

"Do you have any idea of the things you do to me," the blonde whispered against her ear, hot breath tickling her skin.

"JJ, you feel incredible," Emily moaned, bucking her hips up against JJ's furious fingers. She rolled her head back, and her eyes caught on the cross hanging from the wall behind her. It felt so wrong to be having sex here, but fuck, she needed it. She needed JJ.

"You make me feel incredible," JJ moaned back, dropping her face against Emily's collarbone as she added a third finger inside of her lover. "You make me feel alive. You always have. No one should ever have to hide that."

"I'm so close," Emily whispered into JJ's hair, and JJ added her thumb to Emily's clit, causing the brunette to cry out and arch further into the younger agent.

"I'm not afraid," JJ growled into Emily's ear. "I'm not afraid of what you make me feel. Not anymore."

"JJ, please, please kiss me," Emily cried out, and JJ obeyed, pressing her lips passionately against the brunette's. JJ sped up the tempo of her fingers, pressing down on her clit a little harder, and before she knew it, Emily was falling apart. Clenching hard around JJ's fingers, Emily dug her nails into JJ's back and buried her face against the blonde's silky golden hair. Her body bucked repeatedly against the younger woman's, and JJ held her tightly with one arm, her other hand buried in the other woman.

As Emily rode out the last few waves of her orgasm, the door to the prayer room creaked out.

"Excuse me, ladies, a pastor needs to be present when the prayer room is in use-"

JJ whipped her head around, still on top of and inside of Emily, and made eye contact with the older woman. The woman's jaw dropped, and her eyes fluttered around the room, looking for anything to focus on that wasn't JJ and Emily fucking on the couch.

"I...oh...oh dear...I..."

Emily's cheeks flushed bright red, and she willed herself to vanish from the room. _I'm going to fucking kill JJ..._

"We were, uh... we were just leaving," JJ said, trying to pull out of Emily and get off of her with as much grace as possible.

"Yes, I think that would probably be a good idea," the older woman said sternly before quickly exiting the room.

"Let's leave. Fast," JJ said hastily, glancing up at the cross on the wall and cursing herself for her bad decision-making.

Emily buttoned up her pants, embarrassment filling every pore of her body. When Emily had straightened out her disheveled appearance, the blonde reached for the door.

"JJ, wait," Emily called out, and JJ turned back around, her face red. "Your turn to promise me something."

"Anything," JJ replied with a grimace.

"From now on, we aren't having sex in any room that doesn't have at least two locks on it."


End file.
